Its been several long months and its been some of the hardest times of my life so far. Not only did I loose a girl that I cared for but I also was lied to….as her and my room mate began releations…..then I was forced out of my apartment to move home. I have been back stabbed by people I called friends and found some horrendous truths of humanity. I moved home, and Its been very hard to deal with all of this. I sum these months up in a few sentences but details are just too painful to recount. But I feel that I was meant for this pain, to learn what God had to teach me through this. And I have learned alot, trust and love should be priced higher, God has a plan for me, nothing is by chance anymore. But I also have bore witness to betrayal that made me a dark person, given birth to something so wretched inside my heart that it phyiscally began to dissolve me. I dreamed of revenge on my ex, my room mate….hurting them to no ends. But what would that accomplish? Could any pain short of death avenge the hurt i felt? Be equal enough for me to walk away from it? doubtful…. God told me to let it go. Its hard to and Im still working on letting my pain go. And when I can truly let go of this pain and hatred, then i can resume my life as a better man. I see the light before me but the path is covered with broken glass and I am shoeless. I have also been told who are those most important to me, who I truly need in my life. And I am truly blessed to have them as my friends and companions. Those who have called me daily, talked with me and guided my weary sin filled heart through the darkness. I love them, and pray for my life to be filled with these people…I also have gotten the sense that there are huge plans for me. What that is…. I have no idea. But i am very excited to experience that.
