The Wolves of Agoge

Two Wolves – these are the words from another blog I found. I wanted to share it with you all. (http://www.colindunbar.com/two-wolves.html)

“An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them…

“A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you and every other person, too.”

They thought about this for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather… “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied… “The one you feed.”    “

So true this is, many times we all have problems and issues with our own lives that we feed and never solve. Others own sympathies for our drama gives power and attention to us and which we like. In that way one of our own wolves is gaining dominance when it should be submissive to us and us alone.  But we need to learn to release that good wolf, and allow ourselves to be happy and loving, recognize that some one loves you and return it. So many become consumed by their own grief. … there was a time when i felt this way. In italy I was very alone, so far from home and with people that were not the people they acted like at home. It scared me, frustrated me, and angered my wolves to the point I myself was not the person I sought out. I allowed my wolf of anger, fear, depression to win temporarily. Until one night my friend John and I spoke, I realized what i had done and reconstituted my thinking.  My father, for years the wolf of depression engulfed him to the point he couldn’t see the light of hope.

I am not entirely sure as to why i am posting this but maybe it is for my own good, it is a reminder of the second time i had to own up to the man I have made myself.

Working

Whew, done working for the weekend, spent about 20 of my hours working my booty off at good old Zaxbys. And my first week of school went off without a hitch. School from 11 or 9 to 5pm, mon through thursday. My first project is to meld togehter three words, Remora, Minaret, and Dovetail.

Remora – sucker fish that hangs onto sharks and whales

Minaret – tower on an islamic mosque

Dovetail – type of joint in wood working.

I was considering making a sculpture thate bring together the mythos of remoras being able to stop fleets of ships (supposedly was the cause of Mark Antony’s defeat in Actium and the death of Caligula), also the idea of polticial intrigue surrounding Minarets, gateway to heaven, signals prayers and is opposed by other countries, and the symbolism of dovetails being incredibly strong joints with out any pins or nails.

I have no idea what else to go on….any ideas?

Meh

Why is it that those whom look for it, find it. But you know they are not worthy of it. And yet we all see the failings but the person it matters to is oblivous. So it decays…and breaks down much like a very young tree that grew too fast. The roots arenot deep enough and no one notices until the oak comes crashing down hurting everything around it. No matter how long though… there will be remains were that oak fell and died until the forest forgets about it. And we are left with nothing, until another seed is planted. But this one, we understand must be nurtured slowly, not quickly. It must be allowed to take root properly, for if it does not, then this tree will fall again, just like the oak before it. So do not urge yourself to grow too quickly…wait until you can handle what you seek. Then perhaps that oak may live a long life, be perfect  for many generations, and give birth to many other trees in the forest.

Sapiosexual

1.	sapiosexual
	One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature. “I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. I want someone who sometimes makes me go ouch due to their wit and evil sense of humor. I want someone that I can reach out and touch randomly. I want someone I can cuddle with. I decided all that means that I am sapiosexual.”

“The glory of the round”

I love shooting my rifle

It’s unexplainable, complex and substantially simple

Loading a cone of metal into a barrel and taking aim

Trying desperately to  make a perfect shot, taking a single calm breath

I squeeze the trigger, waiting for it, and releasing the hammer

It swings up and into the firing pin, shoving the tip an infinitesimal  distance

But that is enough to punch into the precussion cap on the back of the bullet

A spark, unseen but heard from miles away ignites the powder

And shoves the bullet out and spinning from the long bore

It flies faster than sound and punches through the paper

Traveling beyond into the outter reach of the range

Until finally smashing into the rocks a foot ball field away

But back where I am, my next round is already reloading

The spent brass is ejected as the gass chamber recoils

And the next round is popped up into posistion

The action comes back forward and the gun is ready to be fired once again

Just with a single pull of my finger

In the blink of an eye I touched an object hundreds of feet away

With simply a pulled finger and steady arm

That target could have been a deer, bear, boar….or a child, woman or man

Innocent no?

The gun, simply made to kill animals and people

Scary, loud and beautiful all at once

Its killing power is too fast to be seen

Heard by all

And the only immediate repercussion is a sharp recoil in my shoulder

It takes less skill than shooting a musket

which is less than archery

which is less than fencing

So simple

So complex

So deadly

I daresay few other objects can bring up such instinctive fear in people at the sight

Of a simple gun

It is …

About 1 am here, and I decided to post a lill before I went to sleep. Recently I lost two friends at work, one decided to loose interest in his job right after his little gf quit and became a stripper. In his last week…he ditched 2 nights of working, something I have little to no respect for. Another is divorcing his wife and moving back up to Indiana. Him I will sorely miss a great deal.

As of now I am looking for another job, but the difficult thing being that I have to work about 18 to 20 hours a week at 6.30 min.  having only fri nights, sat and sun to work that limits me it seems to food industry. Oh well…If it must be then ill do it.

School starts Wednesday and I am quite stoked about it. I have Advanced Sculpture and Drawing along with the intermediate Ceramics class. My last Art history and a History of Sci and Tech. Its gonna be a stellar semester I tells you. Very happy about it . I am also attempting to learn some Hindi.

Funny story, I ordered  Splinter Cell, Double Agent some weeks ago off Amazon’s private seller. it never came. So i emailed the seller and they failed to respond. So I filed a claim with Amazon.com and I got a refund. Now the seller wants me to repeal my bad response to them because I got my money back. HA! No…but i pick up the game at a store today and I must say its a fun fun game. One mission I had to stop a missile from launching, another mission had me as a convict escaping from prison. Just awsome stuff.

At anyrate Im gonna go now

Later

Sympathy, Empathy and the anger women bring forth

I work hard for the money I make. I put up with angry customers, snotty cashiers and lazy cooks, not to mention a hormonal manager or two. But this post is about one of my real friends at work. He is dealing with some bad stuff and it boils my blood to see him mistreated worse than any man ive seen before.

For starters, my friend never made it out of HS. He is married and has a child. But their child lives far away with grandparents because both of them cannot make enough money to survive with a child. I can see that it tears him up to have his son so far away but he knows its the only chance the kid has right now. He works every day, many times working from 10 am to 4pm then 5 pm to closing. That is a 12hour day people.  With only one hour off….. He is making at most, 72 dollars aday. He works about 5 days a week, comes in when bullied by manegment to cover for lazy asses that dont care enough to show up. But he cares about his job, he loves working with his friends. He loves talking to us and joking around. Infact I enjoy any day that i am working with him. He also will never let you down. it isnt in his nature.

But…he came to me and told me something that chilled me to the bone. he thinks he may have an STD. He has never cheated on his wife and I firmly beleive that he would never do so. So that leaves little to question. An tonight he told me that he found used condoms and strange boxers in their apartment. Not to mention that his wife leaves 3 hours early for work and comes home 3 hours late some days.   There is no doubt this bitch is cheating on him. I told him to get a lawyer immediately and start divorce proceedings.

I am so depressed about his status, he put so much into giving her a life and trying to give his son a chance to become a good child. And now he is betrayed by his wife…the one person that should never EVER be thought to do it. I told him i was gonna help him do this. And get it done so he can get on without such a nasty woman pulling him downwards.

To whom it may concern.

To whom it may concern I wish to speak now to you

Through air and sea, land and space

Hear my words.

I have known of you for some time

Fate whispered your name unto my ears

My eyes longed to see our paths converge

It would seem that the three sisters have deemed it fit to hold my fate out infront of me

Dangling it before my very nose

Flames of the belly licked my lips

Wishing to speak what was denied

My destiny threatening to unfold too soon

Or to never be unwrapped at all.

I wish to grasp with all my might the power to shape my own life

Form it upon the wheel of time

The set in stone through a trial by fire

Let those flames lick my feet

And hold me back until at last the time is right

But once those flames fall, my eyes will see

What my life is meant to truly be

Its a funny trend when

 people like me, the geeks and nerds from our earlier school days are beginning to win in the war of love. This is a post i found and wished to recite here about why guys that are considered nerds and geeks are worth giving a chance.  But also I’ll comment on the reasons. I credit this to another blogger, and not myself for the 15 reasons.

In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are… plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

( Thats seemingly true for us, I have had many female friends surprised that I actually am being truthful about the things they ask me.)

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

(and a girl that can set up a wifi network by herself is a plus as well    )
3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such… but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.   ( I am more of a , make a powerpoint of the reasons I love a girl, and flowers are always good too for quick bandaids to immediate problems)

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.  (Gee wonder which one i am?)
5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

(A girl with brains and wit like a knife is good too)

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

(June 16th, April 23rd, May 13th…all b days of ex’s….still havent forgotten, and yes i  have a list too…)

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra… all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

(heh…no comment)
8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

(Yup)

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.
Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models… They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
Geek Guy: “ooooooo…”
Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: “What?”
Me: “Never mind…”

(Actually this DID happen, once i went  into a vic secret store with my gf at the time and I thought itd be awsome, but then i got bored and went to Gamestop until she came out and got me.)

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

(I like ballet …. )
11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on…” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code… a geek can dream).

(well for artists,  a girl that can tell the diff between a Braque and a Picasso  is  my  flavor of love)

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

(yeah we dont like to be hypocritical about  that….)
13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce…

(I personally like to argue about how Israel walks all over the Palestinians, how we need a new prez and why Evolution failed to weed out the stupid people)

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps…

( I get wasted…on Gears of War!!!!…o and I was told by a VERY reliable source that I am articulate to speak with)
15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.

(Well, I know that I would not say I love you unless I really meant it. And of course that love includes every aspect of the woman. Because as we know that word is far too often used for meaningless excuses for sex. )

The twenty-first anniversary of the birth of Jon

So I figure I might as well speak on my 21st birthday. I didnt have a party nor planned one. But I did end up having dinner at Paesano’s (my favorite Italian place) with dad and fam. I have a great pork shank roast as well as appitizers. I had my first legal beer (a foreign import called Chamay) in the states, of course dad inisited it was my first beer ever!….um no…i think college took care of that as well as Italy and their lower age laws haha. But anyways, Frank and Alton (owner and manager of Paesanos) brought me out shots, one being a Royal Flush, and the others a Lemon Cello (Sp?), Both were fantastic. So I got a new cellphone….although this happened to be a little toy one with a pic of the one i actually wanted  taped on and inside said a note, Oct 7, the day my contract with verizon is up. Nice joke guys real nice. But the really great  one was the AMAZING watch my father gave me. A sieko kinetically wound all steel and gold watch. No batteries, the movement of my own arm winds it. I priced it later to about around 490 dollars. They told me they got it on sale but for god sakes! I was just in awe of this amazing gift, it really was the best thing i could ask for. I havent been so proud of a piece of jewelry like this in a while. Hell even my class ring wasnt that much. But anyways It was a good night, Matt and I hung out and drove around. After the multiple beers and shots that night I was not in mind to go bar hopping so we played games at home. You might ask now about my mother and what part she played in it. Well she took me out to dinner last friday night and her contribution to my trip to italy is my birthday from her. Cant complain right? Nope.  So anyways it was a good evening. I spent the day moving stuff to the new place.